may:

“You make lists in your head about what you want in a lover, like brown hair and a sweet voice. A sharp mind and a soft heart, a sense of humor that actually makes you laugh like you mean it. This and that. And it’s all bullshit. Because people aren’t lists. And I’ve always wanted to be the person who made someone realize that. I want to come across someone with a list in their head that is nothing like the person I am, and I want to show them what they didn’t even know they were looking for. People who think they know what they want are fooling themselves. Nobody really knows what they want. Not until it’s right in front of them.”

— Anonymous (via suspend)

pukicho:

lutey-and-the-mermaid:

pukicho:

If you were to vacuum up jello through a metal tube, well I think that’d be a neat noise 

i beg to differ 

Then Beg

abcoconut:

slytherinpokegirl:

How Obama joked: here is a video of my birth *shows clip from Lion King*

How Trump jokes: haha my vice president wants to kill all the gay people

Hey future historians, please note that although tumblr is a fountain of hyberbolic sarcasm, there is exactly 0% sarcasm or hyperbole in this post.

magiikm1ke:

retrogamingblog:

Wii Sports theme but it’s played on the game’s packaging

we have achieved peak humanity, it’s all downhill from here

(Source: youtu.be)

i-am-loki-locked:

dajo42:

proposed new holiday: valoween. combination valentines and halloween. take a monster on a date

Guillermo Del Toro we know that’s you

nourrice:

nourrice:

me being ignored (now that i am mature): this is fine i suppose

this is a lie im on the verge of tears

lord-kitschener:

kidzbopdeathgrips:

lord-kitschener:

Putting potato chips on a sandwich with the other ingredients so you get a cronch is absolute the only righteous way to live

hey what the fuck

Stop being afraid to live deliciously

chrismenning:

(Source: mywhisperedcolors)

timemachineyeah:

sunflowerbutch:

homophobes and transphobes who want to be psychologists/psychiatrists need to drop out of school

if you are a homophobe or transphobe and want to work in health/medicine, psychology, education, childcare, or any similar or related industry - don’t! Stop now! Please quit immediately for all of our sakes!

memesandmagik:

uglyteapot:

I. AM. SCREAMING.

THIS IS SO FUNNY.

rebagel if the flu shot made you gay

kaijuno:

The Computer Room is such a weird concept nowadays but growing up in the 90s/00s we really had a whole ass room dedicated to our computer. Anthropologists 1000 years from now are gonna think we worshiped computers so much we had shrine rooms for them

ambiguities:

via weheartit

satinonsoftskin:

in the mood to be kissseddddd. all gentle and slow